GINGER BITES

GINGER BITES

The priceless sayings of the inimitable Gordon Strachan!

An out-of-work Strachan who does almost everything outside football with his wife of 30 years, Lesley: "We were actually comparing our body fats when we got back home the other day, it's getting ridiculous!" (February 2005)
Strachan, in an interview with Bryan Cooney, Sportswriter Of The Year: "People are very cynical about everything you do. When you decide to pack in, they think you're always up to something. 'He's going to Leeds, he's going there, he's going to do something'. That's journalism for you. It's people as well. They just couldn't believe what I was going to do.
           "Everyone says there's a yob culture in football. There's also a yob culture in journalism, so that's what you've got to be wary of. With me, journalists have known for years what's serious and what's tongue in cheek, but the ones who are more mischievous than others would use the tongue-in-cheek stuff to cause havoc.
           "I try to say to players now that they need to watch what they're saying. Take James Beattie the other day. He had a lot to say for himself. He put undue pressure on himself on Saturday morning by saying what was going to happen with Chelsea. Suddenly, he's head-butted somebody. Beatts has never been like that.
           "Darren Huckerby was the same when he went back to Newcastle with Coventry. He had something that was taken out of context and had headlines. On that Saturday morning, he actually lost all the strength he had because of that nervous energy and embarrassment. He was useless at Newcastle. So you have to protect yourself. It's not all journalists, far from it, but as I said, we're dealing with a yob culture. Funny enough, I'm going to do the speech at the Football Writers' Player of the Year awards." (February 2005)
Strachan: "My daughter Gemma was watching an old DVD of me the other day and then she watched me on telly. She says: 'Is Dad's nose getting bigger as he gets older?' The answer is: 'Naw, my head's shrinking'." (February 2005)
Gary Lineker: "So Gordon, if you were English, what formation would you use?" BBC pundit for Euro 2004 Gordon Strachan: "If I was English I'd top myself!" (June 2004)
Strachan on ex-Scotland team mate and new Saints manager Paul Sturrock: "I knew Paul about six stone ago!" (March 2004)
Saints lose at Highbury to two controversial Thierry Henry goals. Strachan is asked if he had complained to the officials after the game: "You can't get near to the officials, it's easier to get to the Pope.
"If I'm in London next time and I get mugged, I hope the same amount of people turn up - there were six police officers, four stewards and a United Nations peace observer." (February 2004)
Strachan explains why he needs a hip replacement operation: "It was a month after I had the job at Southampton.
           "I was walking up the stairs at a hotel with my wife Lesley.
           "I think it was Room 327 we were in, and we were passing Room 323 at the time. I can't be more precise than that.
           "Lesley was wearing a short skirt and that was why I was in a hurry to get to our room. I remember, trust me - thank you very much. That was when my hip first went." (January 2004)
In stoppage time Strachan sends on Chris Baird: "I said to him 'sit in central midfield, do not move from there'. They were my last words to him. The next thing I know he's going down the wing and I said 'Oh, good goal.'" (December 2003)
On Jason Dodd's dubious first goal in three years from a corner-kick: "It's Christmas so let's not play Scrooge and take the goal away from Jason.
"Taking corners you have to be brave when you have time to think about what you're going to do in front of 32,000 people. But Jason can handle it and my only concern is that, just like Matt Le Tissier, it takes him a long time to get back afterwards!" (December 2003)
How Strachan dresses for the 'big games': "I have discovered that when you go to Anfield or Old Trafford, it pays not to wear a coloured shirt because everyone can see the stains as the pressure mounts. I always wear a white shirt so nobody sees you sweat." (December 2003)
Strachan reassures Saints he isn't breaking his contract to be the next manager at Leeds contrary to rumour: "Whenever there have been stories about me in the past, I have always left it and it has all gone away. That was my tried and trusted method so I stuck to it and I thought it would all die down. But it kept growing and when the lies started to appear, that's when I decided enough was enough.
           "I just wanted to speak to the local people. I did not invite Sky or Five Live, just the web site and the local media. I was not going to be a puppet for Sky, all I cared about was talking directly to the Southampton supporters to tell them what was going on.
           "It has happened a couple of times to me in my career where no matter what I say, it is misconstrued. If I make a comment then the media would ask the chairman or others for a response and then they would come back to me to comment on what they had said.
           "And it would go on like that. They play one off against the other and you end up like a dancing bear - although it does help if one of you is called Rupert!
           "I did not want that so I thought if I said nothing then it would die away as it had done in the past.
           "After the Chelsea game (which Saints lost 1-0) I was disappointed by the result. People kept asking me about my future and I think the national press took a dislike to me because I only wanted to talk about the match." (December 2003)
Michael Svensson is sent off for pushing Bolton's Mario Jardel. Strach: "Mario's a big guy and at 15 stone to fall like that... My grandson weighs two-and-a-half stone and he wouldn't have fallen because he's got more in him, he's a determined wee fella.
           "I don't know how you face people after that. When you go and speak to your mates and they ask what you contributed to the game and you say 'I fell, I fell like a big Jessie.' It wasn't even a real push.
           "It was a boring and scrappy match so when the incident happened everyone was laughing. You have got to see it in slow motion to believe it.
           "I'm not defending Michael, as soon as you put your hands on someone it's a yellow card, but it's not even a shove.
           "It was embarrassing to watch. It's not hilarious for Michael but it's funny when you see it and it will keep me going for the five-hour trip home.
           "I'm not arguing about the referee's decision - I'm arguing about respect between players." (November 2003)
Asked if Saints had scored their goals against Bristol City in the Carling Cup at the right times: "Scoring a goal is always the right time. I don't know if there is a wrong time to score one. I've never actually sat in the dugout and thought, "Oh no, that's our goal!" But I see what you mean, they had a decent start and had four shots before we really threatened." (October 2003)
After a shocking first-half between Saints and Blackburn: "I was wondering what had happened to football in the 21st century. Someone said it was forgettable, but how could you forget that!" (October 2003)
Commenting on Andy Cole's sending-off for a punch-up with Michael Svensson: "There was nothing untoward said when Andy left the pitch. I just told him he was a fantastic player and that I was sad to see him sent off. I genuinely meant that. The game was dreadful and we needed all the good players on the pitch.
"Andy didn't say anything back to me, but then he probably couldn't understand my accent anyway!" (October 2003)
Strachan, keeping his counsel on Cole's sending-off, as Saints win 2-0: "I'm doing an Arsene Wenger here, I did not see it. But I saw the beautiful goals." (October 2003)
Strachan misses Aberdeen's gala centenary celebrations but delivers a message to his former team-mates: "Ask the boys to send me a picture from the Friday dinner - I want to see how much hair they've lost and how fat they are now!" (October 2003)
Strachan, on his illustrious career with Aberdeen, Man U and Leeds: "Aberdeen is, and always will be, my football family. It's the place where I learned my football and probably enjoyed myself most.
"I don't measure my best club by the number of medals I have or how many goals I scored. I can only relate to the number of times I laughed. I laughed every day at Pittodrie." (October 2003)
Why there was no open-top bus tour after the FA Cup final loss to Arsenal: "I know the real heroes on the day - the fans. They should have had the tour but you can't fit 32,000 people on a bus!
"They were the stars on the day. Round the country people were talking about the Southampton supporters - not the players." (October 2003)
Strachan on management: "There is too much said about that fashion accessory the 'super coach' or whatever it is they call it - it's all about players.
"Look at your best managers in the world, they all know man-management. You don't play around too much. Arsene Wenger has had the same system and it seems to work, so has Fergie and Gerard Houllier. The super coach seems to be a fashion accessory right now but it's a lot simpler than people make out.
"Coaching is easy - coaching is an absolute doddle. Management is far harder and there's a big difference between a coach and a manager, that's for sure. I love coaching, it's great fun. I don't like being a manager but the only reason I'm a manager is so I get full control of the coaching. There's a huge difference between the two." (September 2003)
Saints move up to 4th, their highest ever position in the Premiership, after spanking Spurs 3-1 away. Strach: "I'm going home now to get myself a Coca-Cola and a packet of crisps and I'll sit in front of the television and look at the table on Teletext all night." (September 2003)
Saints' strikeforce of Beattie and Phillips put three past Spurs in the 3rd, 43rd and 60th minutes. Strach: "My two strikers were absolutely fantastic. Apart from the first two minutes when they were asleep, after that they were excellent!" (September 2003)
Strachan watches a Steaua Bucharest match. Afterwards he appears in front of the camera and an interviewer asks: "Has coming here tonight helped you plan your tactics to win the (UEFA Cup) game against Steaua?" Strach: "I'm not clever enough to do that, I just put out eleven players and hope for the best." (September 2003)
Saints recover from 2-0 down to draw 2-2 at Leicester. Strach: "In the first half the crowd was going 'Ole! Ole!' every time Leicester got the ball, in the second half it looked like they were looking for an ambulance for the matador." (August 2003)
Claus Lundekvam is stretchered off after a clash of heads with Les Ferdinand. Strach: "Someone asked me at Leicester when Claus was carried off if he was unconscious, but I didn't have a clue - that's what he's always like!" (August 2003)
Asked what rule change he would like to see brought in: "Get rid of the fourth official because managers used to be able to shout at the ref because he couldn't hear them but nowadays the fourth official hears everything that's said." (August 2003)
The arrival of new left-sided midfielder Neil McCann prompts Strachan to answer questions about the future of Chris Marsden: "Mars hated being called a winger, but then we signed one on Tuesday and he went into a panic.
"I said to him: 'I didn't think you were a winger but don't worry, there is always room for bald-headed grumpy old men in the team so you'll be alright!'" (August 2003)
Strachan, in praise of the little Latvian whom he tried to sign as Coventry manager: "The world is a better place when Marian Pahars is playing." (July 2003)
Asked how he felt to be in an FA Cup final: "I've got a free suit, bloody fantastic!" (May 2003)
After the 6-1 defeat at Highbury: "I don't need to go into psychotherapy. I might just go through that psycho-babble of kicking a boot across the floor and smacking someone in the head, as it looks like that works." (May 2003)
Saints lose 3-2 to Birmingham. Strach: "I thought Christophe Dugarry's ability and personality were overpowering for everybody on the pitch - and I mean everybody. My players at times couldn't handle his ability but I thought his personality was too much for everybody. I've seen some strange things out there that told me who mentally was going to be the boss on the pitch today. The referee called for Dugarry to come 20 yards towards him. He refused to go and the ref went and saw him. That tells you what type of mentality you are dealing with.
"The goals won the game but on the field mentally the strongest personality should be the referee. It's the first time I've ever seen anything like that and the fourth official said to me that it was out of order. I've seen Clive Thomas make Kenny Dalglish walk 20 yards to him but that's not what happened today. I thought it affected the game in terms of what you could get away with. But I reiterate he was the best player on the pitch and it was a world-class performance." To which Brum manager Steve Bruce replied: "Only Gordon could come out and say something like that. I don't think Christophe influenced the ref. I think he influenced the game." (April 2003)
Leeds come back from 3-0 down to just lose 3-2 at St Mary's. Strach: "If it had finished 3-3 it would have made a grown man cry!" (April 2003)
Saints beat Watford to progress to the FA Cup Final. Strach: "The FA Cup gives players who are not the best in the world the chance to have a taste of what it is like to be a champion. Over time the championship will determine who are the best players but the FA Cup has a romance that allows people who have come through difficult times to have that moment when they feel like champions." (April 2003)
James Beattie scores his 22nd goal of the season for Saints. Strach: "I'd like to thank James Beattie's parents for what they did 25 years ago." (April 2003)
Michael Svensson equalizes for Saints in the very last minute of play and Strach runs on to the Loftus Road pitch. The Fulham fans shout "Get off the pitch!" Strach: "It's not your pitch anyway!" (March 2003)
On Fabian Barthez after he is carried off at St Mary's: "It couldn’t have been that bad. He spent the second half smoking fags in my office." (February 2003)
At an interview on 'Goals on Sunday', the cameraman's mobile goes off, Strach calls a halt to proceedings, calls the TV crew unprofessional, and demands to be asked the next question rather than the same one again. The flummoxed interviewer starts mumbling into his mike. Strach: "You're gonna ask the same question in a different way!"
The ref makes a shocking decision against Saints and someone remarks: "I bet he's not popular at all is he?" Strach: "I don't know, I bet his wife still loves him."
On Wayne Rooney: "It's an incredible rise to stardom - at 17 you're more likely to get a call from Michael Jackson than Sven Goran Eriksson."
On Eric Cantona: "If a Frenchman goes on about seagulls, trawlers and sardines, he's called a philosopher. I'd just be called a wee Scottish bum talking crap."
Chris Marsden just misses scoring from a header that would have won the game against Newcastle. Strach: "I'm giving him a wig for Christmas, he might bury it next time!" (December 2002)
Asked if he was going to be in Europe the next year: "Yup, I've got my holidays in Spain booked already." (December 2002)
Man U is uncharacteristically struggling and a reporter asks if it is a good time to play them. Strach: "The best time to play them is July." (November 2002)
Commenting on Marian Pahars' yellow card against Man City: "It couldn't have been for a tackle as he never tackles, and it couldn't have been for dissent as he never says anything." (October 2002)
After a bad performance: "The whole thing was an embarrassment to ourselves and to the club. That includes myself, the squad, the coaching staff and even the players who were not playing. If they are not good enough to get picked for that they really must be embarrassed."
At a post match press conference in his first season with Saints when a mobile phone starts ringing: "That’ll be the Samaritans for me, they normally call me this time on a Saturday."
Agustin Delgado pisses off back to Ecuador in a huff. Strach: "I've got a yoghurt sat on my desk which is nearly out-of-date, I'm more concerned about that than Delgado."
On Saints' Ecuadorian players Agustin Delgado and Kleber Chala: "All I know is I've got one big one and one small one." [Ed. Strach wasn't talking about his bollocks as commonly misunderstood.]
After going out to Bolton in the FA Cup: "We played propaganda football in the first half. It meant nothing and I told the players that does not impress me." (November 2001)
At his first press conference as Saints manager when someone asks him, "Are you going to keep Saints up?": "No." (October 2001)
Asked if he had changed since leaving Coventry: "I'm still short, I'm still ginger and I've still got a big nose." (October 2001)
Reporter: "What are your plans for the future?" Strach: "I'm going through that tunnel and having a cup of tea with my mates."
Reporter: "Gordon, can we have a quick word please?" Strach: "Velocity." [walks off]
Reporter: "You don't take losing lightly, do you Gordon?" Strach: "I don't take stupid comments lightly either."
Reporter: "There's no negative vibes or negative feelings here?" Strach: "Apart from yourself, we're all quite positive round here. I'm going to whack you over the head with a big stick, down negative man, down."
Reporter: "So, Gordon, in what areas do you think Middlesbrough were better than you today?" Strach: "What areas? Mainly that big green one out there..."
Reporter: "Do you think James Beattie deserves to be in the England squad?" Strach: "Ah couldnae care less, im Scottish!"
Reporter: "What would you ask me if we switched places?" Strach: "Why do you do it?"
The team had been so bad on the Saturday that he called them in on the Sunday morning for extra training. They duly turned up, but no Gordon. After about half an hour one of the players contacted the man on his mobile and enquired if he would be long? Strach: "You lot wasted my time yesterday, I thought I would return the compliment." Then he slammed down the phone.
What would Strach like to be in his next life? "A footballer's wife."
Recalling his first FA Cup final as a player with Man U: "My most vivid Cup final memories concern the unbearable physical pain I experienced on the journey home on the team coach, when I caught my finger in the toilet door; and the fact that the manager, Alex Ferguson, in a tormented world of his own through missing out on his first trophy, not once asking me how I was."
Matt Le Tissier on what makes a good manager: "5 ft 6 and ginger hair."
Ron Atkinson: "There's nobody fitter than Gordon Strachan at his age... except maybe Raquel Welch."
Reporter: Welcome to Southampton Football Club. Do you think you are the right man to turn things around?No! I was asked if I thought I was the right man for the job and I said, "no, I think they should have got George Graham because I'm useless!"
Reporter: Is that your best start to a season? Well I've still got a job so it's far better than the Coventry one, that's for sure.
Reporter: Are you getting where you want to be with this team? We're not doing bad. What do you expect us to be like? We were eighth in the league last year, in the cup final and we got into Europe. I don't know where you expect me to get to. Do you expect us to win the Champions League?
Reporter: Gordon, you must be delighted with that result?You're spot on! You can read me like a book.
Reporter: This might sound like a daft question, but you'll be happy to get your first win under your belt, won't you?You're right. It is a daft question. I'm not even going to bother answering that one. It is a daft question, you're spot on there.
Reporter: Bang, there goes your unbeaten run. Can you take it?No, I'm just going to crumble like a wreck. I'll go home, become an alcoholic and maybe jump of a bridge. Umm, I think I can take it, yeah.
Reporter: There's no negative vibes or negative feelings here? Apart from yourself, we're all quite positive round here. I'm going to whack you over the head with a big stick, down negative man, down.
Reporter: where will Marion Pahars fit into the team line-up? Not telling you! It's a secret.
Reporter: You don't take losing lightly, do you Gordon?
I don't take stupid comments lightly either.

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