EVERYTHING YOU WANTED TO KNOW ABOUT US BUT WERE AFRAID TO ASK!!!
 

GEORDIE "WEBMASTER"

   

Geordie was born and bred in Glasgow and very proud of being a Glaswegian, he left Glasgow to follow his dreams of fame & fortune he went to the bright lights of good old USA where down to his last dime and starving a stranger asked him if he liked hot-dogs that was his first break in showbiz, to make ends meet he became a drag queen at the weekend a job that he was rather reluctant to give up, next it was on to Amsterdam where he sought fame & fortune in the porn industry, no matter how hard he tried no matter how many clubs or  film companies doors he knocked on he couldn't get an audition...then one day his chance arose, fed up with him constantly banging on their doors he got an audition, this was it fame at last, a chance to sleep with gorgeous girls every night & get paid for it, but alas he failed the audition the director was looking for someone to play.....ahem, a bigger part in the movie and that Geordie didn't quite measure up, the director was looking for something around nine inches and didn't have the time for Geordie to show it to him three times. On returning home with his small tail tucked firmly between his legs he decided to have a go at the music business, he strapped on a Rickenbacker and gave it a bloody good go but after twenty minutes his fingers got sore so he soon gave up that idea, next it was fitba I can dae that he exclaimed and quickly fitted himself out with a second hand pair of rugby boots and joined the local Saturday morning overweight elevens, twenty minutes into the match, playing centre half he chested the ball down in his own area, he neatly sidestepped the opposition centre forward and brought the ball forward, on hearing his manager shouting encouragement "hump it big man" was the cry, aye that will be right says he, down the right wing he waddled, one defender, two defenders..he was in the clear a shot on goal beckoned eighteen yards out he let fly with all his might and watched the ball fly by the goalkeeper... and everybody else in the penalty box and go over the touchline for a throw in...never mind at least he still has his looks.
DAVY "CAPTAIN"
    
Davy has came on leaps & bounds from his mullet & Miami Vice suit days, these days he looks pretty normal ??? Davy left home at an early age to join the Metropolitan Police Force as a sniffer dog in the drugs squad and was reasonably successful but left complaining that all the boys kept poking their nose into his business which he didn't like at all. In the late seventies early eighties he embarked on a lucrative career as a Rod Stewart impersonator, this all went very well until he started sounding more like Andy Stewart. Can still be seen singing in local karaoke bars in his latest venture as lead singer in a "Darkness" tribute band, there are striking similarities.
ALDO "VICE CAPTAIN"
   
Alan is a local lad who spends a lot of his spare time working out honing his physique into prime condition, please don't get the wrong impression he's not gay or anything like that although the infamous incident in a French hotel room at the World Cup in ninety eight and a recent trip to a suspicious nightclub in Glasgow might change peoples minds, no Alan like the rest of us in this motley crue are straight, although judging by the photo above of Davy & Aldo in France it gets you thinking. Alan recently impressed his new employer so much with his new body that he's been promoted from working inside to working on the door. Say hello if your ever at the Teddy Bear store in the Braehead centre.
ELVIS "ENTERTAINMENT OFFICER"
   
Elvis has a skill that none of the other boys has, he can dance, and dance very well may I add, old swivel hips has the woman eating out of his hands after they've seen his fancy moves, unfortunately his pish patter makes them go away again. His dancing did lead to some moderate local success he played the lead in a couple of low budget Scottish musicals one was similar to "Grease" called "Lard" it had some great songs and dance numbers, one reviewer commented that Elvis was positively "Drippin" wae talent another was about a local social club and a young guy who couldn't wait till the weekend came along, it was called "Saturday Night Beaver" one reviewer commented that it was full of cunning stunts....Thank you very much.
JIM "TREASURER"
   
Jim has recently returned from Hollywood where he was the stunt double in the new Shrek movie, showbiz isn't a new thing for Jim, you might remember his wonderful portrayal of a gormless hideous monster in the classic adventure movie "The Goonies" Jim also has a wonderful singing voice and had a few hits with his band Right Said Fred, recently he has taken to travelling the world, Alan Whicker eat your heart out, it seems he only spends about six months a year in this country at a time..I don't know if it's for tax reasons or something else.........
GORDON "NOMINATED DRIVER"
   
Gordon the "Ham King" typifies the true spirit of The Tartan Army by stepping up to the plate & having a go when we needed him the most, let me explain... you may not know but Rab is our regular driver but he couldn't make it for the recent Slovenia game so up steps Gordon ( formerly known as Dingy but we don't call him that since he got married & claims to have grown up ) anyway I digress up steps Dingy.. I mean Gordon "Ah'll dae it" was the cry & so it came to pass Gordon achieved a lifetimes ambition..being a part of the Tartan Army, he also gave us a bit of a laugh on the night as well, for all our years following Scotland we've never seen anybody take sandwiches to a game before, I thought I was seeing things, anyway we all thought Gordon was a welcome addition to the gang & he's welcome back anytime...just remember to bring enough sandwiches for everybody next time Gordy ok.
KEVIN "BABYSITTER"
   
Kevin watches the "Weans" for us & that includes most of us, he also acts as our bodyguard due to his keen interest & it has to be said a lot of success in kick boxing although the recent hairstyle has got a few of us wondering if he's really as tough as he seems!!!maybe it's all an act, highlights are nothing new but maybe you shouldn't take things as far as making sure your collars & cuffs match, the jury is still out...time will tell.
JAMIE "ALL ROUNDNICE GUY"
     
Jamie is one of life's quiet folk, speaks when he's spoken to, studies hard at school, keeps himself to himself, does what he's told, behaves himself, always polite, opens doors for old ladies & never speaks back to his elders......naw I don't trust him either.
 CAMMY "KILLER"
   
Cammy is our newest member & works with us all at the PO, we welcomed him with open arms until we found out what he had been doing at Xmas to earn a few extra bucks, strangling turkeys ladies & gentlemen, choking poor defenceless animals for kicks & a few bucks, now if he'd been choking the chicken we could all possibly have forgiven him for that, after all who among us hasn't choked the chicken from time to time...I know, I know it's a cheap joke but I like it, anyway where were we, right, Cammy, just watch what you're saying to him if you ever meet him, he may look like a bubbly wee guy on the outside but inside he's a cold hearted killer...be afraid, be very afraid.
BLAIR "EVERY FAMILY SHOULD HAVE ONE"
   

There's nothing much you can say about Blair, the pictures above say it all.